let’s get fucked up

anyone who knows me knows that 90% of my diet is alcohol. wine, martinis, margaritas, mojitos, i love them all. & i’ve never been one to discriminate against a certain type of liquor, as i’m sure that list just clarified for you. so, as your resident budding-alcoholic, here are some of my favorite recipes for some of my favorite drinks.

first though – invest in a damn bar kit. yes, it makes a difference when you shake versus stir. go to your local home goods and fork up the $7 for the jig and shaker and mace, you’ll be glad you did.

dirty martini

  • fuck load of ice
  • grey goose
  • dry vermouth
  • olive juice

first things first, the key to a killer martini is that it is fucking FREEZING cold. i start by filling up my shaker with a crap load of ice for this one.

2 shots grey goose, 1/2 shot DRY vermouth (at the most), 1/2 shot olive juice – we’re talking straight from the jar of green olives in your fridge. we literally keep a jar that no longer has olives just simply for the juice.

pour all this good stuff on top of the ice in the shaker and shake that bad boy like we all know you know how 😉 sorry grandma. pour into a chilled martini glass. we got a cute matching vintage set from happy hour in old town alexandria.


  • mint
  • limes
  • simple syrup
  • bacardi
  • club soda

this one is delicious and so refreshing, and has become my summertime go-to. start with your empty shaker and toss a ton of mint in there – they say 10 leaves per drink but i like mine really minty. squeeze 1/2 lime on top and pour a generous tablespoon of simple syrup on top. now mash the shit out of that (add crushed ice if you need help really smashing). fill the shaker with ice and pour 2 shots of bacardi over the top before you shake this one to death. the more shaking the better, as it breaks up the mint even more and gets it that super refreshing taste. pour over a glass with ice and top with 1/2 can of club soda (about 4 oz). stir, with your cool stir stick if you listened to me and bought a set. yum.


  • tequila
  • limes
  • simple syrup
  • cointreau
  • salt
  • grand marnier

stop with the fake store-bought mix shit. i’m so over that. i won’t even order margaritas at a restaurant anymore if they use a pre-made mix. first off, its just straight sugar and is guaranteed to give you a headache. secondly, my recipe has tons more liquor in it so you can get fucked up even faster.

in your shaker filled with ice, pour 3 shots tequila (idc if its gold or silver personally), juice of a lime, 1 shot simple syrup, and 1/2 – 1 shot cointreau. cointreau is an orange liqueur that just adds a yummy kick. shake and pour into a salt rimmed glass (i use the lime to get the rim wet before putting it in the salt, so you get the lime flavor) filled with ice. top with a floater of grand marnier. ugh i’m salivating rn.


  • gin or vodka
  • simple syrup
  • lime

gimlets are good with gin or vodka, but i prefer gin for mine. this one is easy – 2 shots gin, 1 shot simple syrup, 1/2 lime in a shaker filled with ice. shake and serve baby. love this one because its quick, easy, and tastes like sugar so you can pound these bad boys easilyyyyy.

old fashioned

okay, i don’t drink these, but if any men read this blog (lmao) then you probably wanted to see a recipe on something like this.

  • water
  • sugar cubes
  • angostura bitters
  • bullet rye
  • orange peel

in a glass, muddle a spoonful of water, one sugar cube, and 3-4 drops of bitters. add 2 shots bullet rye and ice. stir for one minute (apparently this duration matters). slide an orange peel across the rim of a chilled glass and drop into the glass with a large ice cube. strain the mixture into the glass & enjoy!


my favorite shot is one of these three:

  • fireball no chase
  • raspberry vodka with a lemon wedge covered in sugar (shot then lemon)
  • captain & dr. pepper – literally can’t do any other soda

anything i missed? any drinks you want me to learn to make so i can get drunk trying the recipes out for you? let me know.

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